Blogs, politics, Pop Culture

The Things That Matter: The Brett Kavanaugh Hearings: Sure The Supreme Court Matters But Shower Knobs Matter More

The Supreme Court matters, I guess. It’s been all over the news for the last week, Brett Kavanaugh did blah blah blah. People have been glued to their TVs worrying about what happened at the hearings today. Me however, I have bigger things to worry about.

Shower knobs should be universal. There I said it. Most people don’t have the guts to stand up for what they believe in. They tiptoe around the facts and talk about nonsense that has no real value to life, like a Supreme Court Justice for example.

How many times growing up did you go to a friends house and after staying up till 4 in the morning talking about everything from sports to movies and doing fmk’s to only wake up and decide you’re tired of brewing in your own filth and take a shower? You are so relieved that you’re finally going to be clean, although you will probably have to wear the same underwear again because that’s the one thing you forgot to pack. Few things in life are greater than feeling clean. You open the shower curtain, or door (if you had rich friends), and examine the shower. “Oh, neat! They have the shampoo my mom won’t buy me because it costs $6 a bottle!” Or “Oh, no. I don’t even have dandruff, why would I use head and shoulders? I’m not Troy Polamalu.” Then you get to the important part, the water.

There’s all kinds of shower knobs. Simple ones that you just turn and the water is hot. Then there are the ones that are harder to figure out than a rubics cube. You can turn it whatever way you want and no hot water. Crazy things start to run through your mind. Do I put all of my clothes back on and ask for help? Do I take a cold shower? Or do I just take a sink shower, one of the most shameful things ever? You have to shower. If you come out still dirty your friends parents will think you’re a skanky kid and won’t let their kid be friends with you anymore. So why not just make shower heads universal? It’s that simple, friends. Maybe the Supreme Court should worry about that instead of gun control. You know, the things that matter.

Never forget 9/11 though. It matters.


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