The Guy We Hate For Being Safe

The day is Monday, November 28. First off, remember it is Monday after Thanksgiving break and I’m already pissed off just because I have to go back to work. My morning starts as usual, I wake up make myself a nice hearty breakfast, sling around some weights at the gym, come home and get ready for work. Fast forward a solid 10 hours, 15 minutes before I’m leaving work. Mind you, the past 10 hours has been nothing but non stop manual labor, I’m not complaining by any means just letting you know I’m ready to get the fuck home.

There it is, the green light, the “hey man you’re good to go”. My heart is racing, I’m happy as fuck. I’m waking out the door thinking about when I get home I’m gonna fix up some hot tea, watch hallmark movies, and scratch my dogs belly until he falls asleep cuddled up next to me because I’m a good fucking dad. Then it happens. I run into that guy. The guy who drives 54 in a 55. But hey no worries! It’s a two lane road so I can pass them in the left lane. But wait a fucking minute. There’s some other asshole in the other lane going 54. THEY ARE DRIVING SIDE BY SIDE. 1 mile an hour under the speed limit. It’s what could be a 15 minute drive home driving at a comfortable 6 mph over (safe yet effective). Now, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I was extremely pissed off. Not because they were going under the speed limit. But because all I could think is why. Why the fuck are these guys trying to ruin my night? I imagine these idiots pulled up to the first stop light and dildo #1 said “hey bro! So this gentleman behind me looks like he’s had a rough day and can’t wait to get home, wanna set your cruise control to 54mph with me?” Dildo #2 looks back at him and starts jerking off to the idea of fucking with me, says “yeah man way ahead of you! Let’s do it! Go team!” So they proceed to fuck with my mind.

6 minutes has passed. Border line going insane at this point. I’ve already imagined their families slowly dying from carbon monoxide poisoning. All I can still think is why? Why me? Why do this? Why not get behind or get in front of the other person and let me go? I’ll never know. And I don’t think I ever will. This is not the first time this has happened nor will it be the last, sadly.

Finally, I’m home and I’m pissed. Go figure. My mind is boggling but I shrug it off like it’s no big deal. I open the door and my dog comes running at me all excited and I just hit him with a “sup dude”. Obvi something is on my mind. My night is ruined, I don’t want fucking tea anymore. And fuck Christmas movies (okay kidding but at the moment ya know). I’m over it now though, but I do want to let you guys who do this know, you my friend are a fucking asshole. No offense. And if anyone can give me a legitimate reason for this then feel free to DM @beertalkpod on Twitter.

Thanks for your time and I hope someone else can relate to my pain



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