The year was 2006, the season was summer. I was still young so I didn’t have a summer job yet, but my dad gave me chores to do everyday that usually would take like 2 hours tops to finish. My daily routine was wake up about 7:30 watch an hour of Sportscenter then go do my biotch work then play PS2.
Then one day I’ll never forget the list he gave me. Longest list in the fucking World.
1. Clean all the stuff out from under the pavilion.
2. Sweep the concrete under the pavilion.
3. Spray off the concrete after sweeping it.
4. Dig two holes in the yard for the trees my dad was bringing home.
This last one here though, was the one that got me.
5. Put all the stuff back under the pavilion.
So I get all of this done except big ole number Cinco. The concrete was still wet so I decided to go in and have some lunch and get a drink because by this time I was fucking whipped. I’m inside for maybe 30 minutes tops and guess who pulls in 2 hours earlier than usual. If you guessed my dad then you are correct.
ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!
I was getting reamed and for a brief second I made the mistake of looking my dad directly in the eye. The mans eyes literally had fire in them. Like imagine the fire emoji where someone’s pupils belong. So I go out and I’m sprinting, straight up busting my ass to get all that shit out back under the pavilion. I did it and was done and I thought it was the end. Nope, wrong again, chief.
I go over to him and turns out I didn’t dig the holes deep enough. Uh oh. I’m greeted with my dad telling me, this is a direct quote by the way, “Go get that damn gamebox station and set it right here (pointing to a spot on the ground with a shovel).” So I go in and get it not knowing what to expect. The crazy man tells me to step back, I do. He full winds up with the shovel and just goes to fucking pound town on my PS2. The thing is obliterated. He gets to the controller and is trying to hit it with the bottom of the shovel and it won’t break. I mean he hit it probably 5 times and you can tell he’s just getting even more pissed off. Then I literally saw the lightbulb go on and he takes the point of the shovel and puts it right in the middle of the controller and it finally breaks. The two pieces went flying in opposite directions.
Now I’m standing there jaw on the ground. Don’t even know what to do at this point other than stare in disbelief. He looks at me and tells me to go get a grocery bag. I’m thinking what a fucking dick. Smashes my PlayStation now he’s gonna make me clean it up. So I go in and get a bag and get it all picked up. Every last piece. Then the grand finale. He tells me and another direct quote “Just go ahead and take that in and put it in your bedroom. That way every time you are gonna do something stupid you can always just look at that game station.”
I kept that smashed PS2 in my room for years but guess what. My mom bought me a new PlayStation a month later! Jokes on you, dad. I’m the alpha.